'Paging Mr. Ripley'

If a picture is worth a thousand words, headlines should come with volume numbers. Here are a few grabbers that tell a vivid story without a word of explanation, though a dab of context is nonetheless provided for those who wonder how the underlying articles came about. All are real headlines that appeared within the last few weeks:

‘Restaurants go after reviewer's testicles’: It seems that the reviewer for the Metro newspaper in Auckland, Australia, left several high-profile restaurants off his list of the area’s 50 best dining options. One of the overlooked establishments responded with a full-page ad in a rival paper, slamming the critic’s work and providing a recipe for reviewers’ testicles. The ad encouraged at-home Emerils to take a "very sharp knife, [and] slice through the sort of skinnie muscley stuff that you find surrounding each of the Metro Food Critic Testicles (there should be two testicles, they can be hard to find)".

‘China's first penis restaurant,’ also reported under the banner, ‘Members only, but diners don't find it hard to swallow’: Guo-li-zhuang restaurant in Peking, China, specializes in the private parts of yaks, donkeys, water buffaloes, horses and other studmuffins of nature. The best quote in the story that appeared under the latter headline: "Of course, there are other restaurants that serve the bian [penis] of individual animals. But this is the first that brings them all together." You can only imagine the Zagat entries.

'Bruce Oldfield shows off his McDonald's designer duds': Oldfield, in case you’re the gauche sort who buys off the rack, is a clothing designer whose world-famous clients included Princess Diane and who still dresses the likes of Catherine Zeta-Jones. He was asked to revamp the uniforms for McDonald’s staffers in the United Kingdom, a crucible for some of the chain’s more progressive personnel policies. Some might say it’s like Oasis or Amy Winehouse playing bar mitzvahs and weddings. But the new outfits, shown last week in Britain, have merited serious commentary from the fashion sheep who ooh and ahh over the latest runway get-ups. The neck scarves for women have been panned, but the brown-on-black shirts for guys have been given well-received. Ditto for the new baseball caps. “Next up, McBurqa's,” quipped one online commentator here in the States.

‘Church’s Chicken Names Fletcher Martin Agency of Record for Eastern U.S. Media and Print’: This was the headline of a press release that was sent to us and that you can probably find online. As a stand-alone, it’s perfectly fine. But the copy below it is an eyebrow-raiser: “Church’s Chicken, a division of AFC Enterprises, Inc…” Church’s was sold by AFC in 2004. Today, AFC’s only restaurant holding is Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits, a competitor to Church’s. Since the new agency is dealing with media, it might want to clear up that error ASAP. Otherwise, it could end up being pointed out in a blog.

Don't picture this

Trend worshippers are hailing a new restaurant feature as the mark that differentiates a merely haute place from one that might actually be a haunt of Mary-Kate Olsen, Lindsay Lohan or other bold-faced tastemakers. To make fashionistas’ must-try list, say the sort who care about such matters, a newcomer has to set a policy—ideally through an exterior sign—that photography is prohibited on the premises. How else can Brittney Spears cross her legs without worry?

Yet some of the places using that sign of distinction don’t seem like worthy shooting ranges for the paparazzi. Take the newest Pinkberry frozen yogurt outlet in New York. Grub Street, New York magazine’s excellent blog site, revealed last week that the store is banning picture-taking. As it pointed out, the treat shop is located in the heart of the East Village, a haven for the ridiculously body-pierced and absurdly tattooed. Are Brad and Angelina really going to stop by for a yogurt with mixed-in Captain Crunch?

Other Pinkberry outlets feature a similar warning, suggesting it’s a corporate policy. You can see for yourself by checking out any number of blog postings—many of which document the feature with photos of the signs.

The trend seems to be more prevalent in Europe and Asia. But the smattering of examples suggests it’s catching hold here in the States as well—on the coasts first, as per the usual process for a trend.

But fashion zealots may be surprised to learn the policy was first adopted more than a decade ago, and not just by private clubs or other hangouts for persons who stood a chance of seeing their names in a gossip column. The most-noted proponent was not some velvet-roped club, but Eatzi’s, the prepared-food cathedral of Chili’s parent Brinker International. So many people from the industry came in with their Nikons snapping during competitive reconnaissance missions that management had to curb the spying with a no-shooting rule. It certainly wasn’t to protect Miley Cyrus or Paris Hilton from appearing in the supermarket tabs. I’m not sure either gal was even walking yet.